4 min read

DE-TOXIFY A WORK COLLEAGUE? - nine ways to clean up

[Prefer to hear rather than read? Check out Episode 12 in Series 3, 50 Ways to Succeed at Work]

One toxic colleague is all it takes to destroy your train of thought, interrupt your workflow, damage your entire team, or cause mayhem.

Your manager or supervisor probably has some power to address this volatile situation. However, your action may require making a difference, especially if the toxic person is your peer.

A toxic colleague has the annoying ability to press your emotion button. For example, perhaps they demand too much attention or grab more than their fair share of airtime.

It's best to develop a definite strategy rather than explode each time or sink into a sullen, resentful silence.

Step 1: Tackle the problem, not the person

Think of how the toxic colleague's behaviour damages the team's efforts and undermines the organisation’s goals. Don't focus on your personal fury or pet peeves.

Instead try to stay impartial since the toxic co-worker might also have some valid points to explain their frustrations.

Step 2: Make sure that you're not contributing to the problem.

At some time, most of us lack self-awareness, especially at work. While you might be a team player, something in your behaviour might trigger a negative response from the toxic co-worker and set them off.

Make sure that you aren't contributing to the toxic behaviour. Be the role model for how you want the person to act. Set a standard that shows collaboration and open dialogue, not retaliation.

The more you focus on team goals, the less likely you will become blinded by win/lose thinking with this toxic peer.

Step 3: Have a candid conversation with the person.

Try to get the problem tackled by the team, not just you.

Start by sharing your concerns about the team's success. For example, you might have noticed someone has a problem and you want to know what's bothering them.

Try to step into their shoes and don't come at them from a negative angle. Focus on their behaviour's impact on you and be honest about how your actions might affect them. You figure this out during self-reflection. Sometimes, people don't realise the impact they have on each other.

REACTIONS

If you seriously want to de-toxify this person, be willing to consider in depth your current reactions to them.

This reflection will guide you toward a sensible strategy, not based solely on emotions. Here are seven well-used actions you could adopt.

Reaction 1: Forgive

Your first reaction might be to forgive.

"To err is human, to forgive divine", urged Alexander Pope in one of his poems. It’s a big ask, though. In real life, your feelings towards the toxic person may verge from dislike to indifference and sometimes murderous resentment.

Reaction 2: Separate

A second common reaction is to Separate

If you cannot forgive them, perhaps you can carefully separate emotions from possible actions.

Try writing down all your feelings toward your colleague—resentment, vindictiveness, fear, hate, etc.

Next, review these feelings one by one. Can you identify why these emotions shape your reactions and subsequent behaviour? For instance, have you complained to colleagues or given the toxic person the cold shoulder?

Be honest about which reactions are counterproductive. Knowing how you respond gives you power. Once you know what you are up against, you can deal with the toxic person differently and hopefully more productively.

Reaction 3: Whole story

A third productive reaction is to consider the whole story. Take a step back and re-think. Are you ignoring certain factors? For example, could you be inadvertently contributing to the problem? Are you being unfair?

This reaction involves changing your mindset about the situation and your colleague. That is, you re-frame the issue to help you deal with the problem more effectively.

For instance, you realise they are under intense pressure in their personal life, or they feel undertrained to do their current role. Your awareness and willingness to make allowances for their failings can go a long towards resolving the toxicity.

Reaction 4: Empathy

A fourth reaction is to show Empathy

In most adverse work situations, developing your natural empathy skills can be helpful.

These include techniques for understanding others' perspectives and practising active listening. Empathy can defuse toxic situations and foster better communication.

Reaction 5: Conflict resolution

A fifth reaction requires Conflict Resolution

Steps to deal with conflicts with toxic colleagues might include assertive communication, finding common ground, and seeking win-win solutions.

Reaction 6: Self-care practices

For this reaction, you adopt one or more Self-Care Practices:

Toxic colleagues can severely damage mental and emotional well-being. You may need to resort to techniques such as mindfulness exercises, stress management methods, and setting healthy boundaries--see below.

Prioritising self-care helps maintain your resilience.

Reaction 7: Find allies

The seventh reaction is to find Allies. For example explore ways to create links with co-workers who share similar experiences with this toxic work person.

A support network provides emotional support. It can make you feel you’re not facing the issue alone. It can also help you identify practical advice.

For example, women in the Obama Administration in America supported each other when they felt their views were being drowned out or dismissed by more assertive or male colleagues.

SET YOUR BOUNDARIES—what will you tolerate?

A toxic colleague forces one to set clear boundaries. What will you tolerate, and what will be unacceptable?

Boundaries don’t make you rude. Instead, they help preserve your well-being and maintain a healthier work environment.

For example you may need to set limits around time, personal space, communication, tasks, emotions, etc.

Suppose your co-worker constantly interrupts your work, demanding your attention. Set a boundary by saying:

"I appreciate your input, but I need focused time right now. Can we discuss this later?"

Or when a toxic colleague invades your personal space, it can be physically and emotionally draining. By insisting on maintaining a physical distance, you take back control and can avoid oversharing personal information.

A favourite ploy of toxic colleagues is to dump their tasks on you without caring how you feel about it. Again, set a boundary by politely refusing to accept or negotiate the new workload.

Explain your boundary by responding: "Thanks for asking, but I can't take on additional tasks today."